ITS SPITTING

So today I took my American friend on a tour of London. He had never really been to London before so he was excited, and I like giving tours of London because there is just so many things to see, plus it makes me feel important.

So going to London can be stressful at the best of times if you are doing touristy shit, but I checked the weather report last night and it was for rain, I thought brilliant there will less people there, which was true it was quieter than a Saturday, and we both had waterproofs on so happy days.

Although it was grey it wasn't raining so happy days, when we got round to Buckingham Palace is started spitting. This is when the worst thing in London happens after a tube strike, Umbrellas came out! 

These flimsy pieces of shit are the most annoying and dam right unsafe things that litter London's pavements. Being 6ft I am at perfect height for the pointy ends to go straight in my eye, so I have to avoid them like trying to avoid an overconfident waiter take out 20 plates at once.

Many times I had to step into traffic or duck out of the way looking like a dick, or move walk into things because these things block all view on a pavement. People with Umbrellas are also just crap a walking with them, they are often short women who pull them so close to their face they cant see where they are going, who walk slower than a glacier and because they are often in a gaggle you can't pass them, so when they stop to take a selfie with a phonebox you ram right into them. 

Words really cant describe how much I hate umbrellas in busy cities, which is kinda against the point when writing a blog. But they should be banned. Next time I go London I'm gonna wear a cricket helmet and just walk around bashing people flimsy pocket umbrellas out of their hands. If you use a golf umbrella there is a special place in hell for you! Get a rain coat!

Warning this contains words

This post will be more of a rant than anything else, I have long gone with the idea of, you cant argue with stupid people. Stupid people can not be reasoned with, they can't listen to reason. They are the type of people for which ladder training was invented for.

Most people who know me well will know that if I think someone is being stupid, I have a very hard problem of hiding my distaste in peoples stupidity.

I grew up near the church where Charles Darwin got married, I feel that the rule of natural selection should be used now more than ever to keep tabs on our ever increasing population.

In developed countries like ours we have education systems which many lesser states strive to achieve. So maybe the problem of a ever increasing stupid gene pool would be to get rid of all stupid warning signs which litter our lives. Allows natural selection to truly take hold. 

Do you really need a sign on a pack of peanuts saying "warning may contain nuts"?. Which fuck up thought "you know I have a nut allergy, but I'm almost certain that peanuts aren't nuts".

Or warning signs on films, who watches a film with the name saw and thinks its going to be about sodding puppies. How about before parents have ago at game developers about awful games corrupting their beautiful children's minds, they, you know not let their 11 year old play on a game with an 18 sticker, but that's a rant for another time.

Signs that say hot tap, when its above a hot tap? Or signs that read risk of drowning next to a fucking river! This would get rid of the Jeremy Kyle generation of fuck ups quite quickly, and it would all be their own fault.

OH THE HUMANITY

I have come to the conclusion that first world problems are awful, little things that just make living in a safe world just awful.

I should probably put a disclaimer at the start, but I'm not going to as I hope you realise this is humour.

• My first one is when you have fancy bread which looks really nice, and is described the best bread for toasting, but its to big for the toaster and you have accurately rotate the bread around, and no matter how hard you try it will always be burnt on one side.
• Going for a poo and forgetting your phone, or a magazine and you end up reading the in and air freshener.
• When the only person who likes you whitty Facebook post is your mum.

• Wanting to complain in a restaurant but you don't want to make a scene, so when the waiter/Waitress asks how your food is you go "yea its great thanks" even though it tastes like arse.
• When having to reset the Sky Box and it takes what feels like a life time. 
• The sheer panic you feel when you have to prioritize what stays open on your phone when your battery is at 5%, it really is Sophie's choice.
• Wanting to buy a neck pillow in an airport, but you know it will make you look like a dick.

I could list off more but I need the loo and my phone is on 5%

Not impressed with local electorate!

Last night the speak for the House of Commons, Mr Bercow came to our university to give a talk on how he has improved the commons and how he hopes to improve it further. The University that I attend happens to be in his constituency, Buckingham if you don't know already. Many people attended this talk mostly people from the town, there was a few people from the University body but only a handful. 

Mr Bercow, who is a great public speaker started the evening about his constituent matter to keep the ageing crowed happy from the start. His main stand point that got the biggest round of applause was that he did not agree with HS2, the development of a new highspeed rail from London to Birmingham and then on to the north of England. He said that he will not tow the party line on the issue. 

That is understandable I mean here in Buckingham it seems to be the only thing people feel truly angry about. I can imagine that if he was the MP for my area Crewe & Nantwich which is an area heavily reliant on Railways and is planned to get a new Parkway station in the plans for HS2 he would happily vote towards it.

But back to the talk, as Mr Bercow denounced HS2 as a awful idea the entire lecture hall irrupted into an explosion of clapping and cheering. It took me off guard if I'm honest. But as the applause carried on I look round the hall and thought that most of the people who seem very against HS2 will probably be dead by the time it is built so why do they care so much.

Whilst Mr Bercow spoke on other local matter than I really don't care about, I did some research of the route for HS2 through Buckinghamshire it will disrupt the natural landscape mildly, you hear horror stories about banks not giving mortgages to house near the supposed route, landscape being ruined. No matter how you see it development is need to improve the link to London. People of Buckingham have it far to easy to get around, you are in the middle of two major motorways which can get you anywhere in the country, you have Milton Keynes junction near you so getting to London is easy. But they will never think about the other people and most people don't on local issues and why should they. 

Looking closer at the plans there will be a Service depot built just outside of Brackley which I'm sure will create a nice amount of jobs for the area. Having lived near the West coast mainline the majority of my life I can tell you that Network rail do an excellent job of stopping sound pollution in built up areas. Although I do respect the elderly but they do have far to much political power! lets be honest most of the stuff they want wont be made into law in time for them to be affect. 

It people like me who politicians should be trying to pander, HS2 is designed for people of my generation not theirs. Half the audience last night had hearing aids! How can they complain about noise? 

Cake or Death?

Sky's new phycological thiller, Fortitude has hit our screen. After the, The Tunnel which is an incredibly dark murder mystery. I was encouraged to start watching Fortitude, plus know that Stanley Tucci is in it, one of my favourite actors, gave me even more of a reason to watch it. 

I won't tell you much  about what the story is about, apart from its a murder set place in a town set in the Arctic circle, where you can only get into by air or by sea. It is a made up area, that is most likely resembles Svalbard. Which is famous for having a seed bank!.

That part of the world you are under the constant threat of polar bear attack. So there for you have to carry a rifle at all times out of the main towns. Now I know that some countries you have to carry protection from wild life. But Polar Bears are silent, powerful killers who can easily blend into the snowy landscape, and are beautiful could you kill one? 

I know that the first question they ask you when you apply for all armed forces is along the lines of can you take another persons life. I know when I applied I said yes, I'm sure if the times comes when you are faced with that decision most people have that survival instant to stay alive. 

You hear about people who have survived in-human conditions, or people who have walked miles with a broken leg, instead of lying on the ground and accepting fate. Could most people get over pain or the idea of death in their head so that they may see their loved ones again. 

I have never faced any event like the ones I describe, nor do I hope I do. Closest one being stuck in town when is was 15 and no money for the bus. Luckily Subway let me use their phone, which was nice.  

We have a great show for you tonight...

As I woke this morning, I checked my phone as most people do, I checked facebook, snapchat, and finally twitter. I normally see what was trending, Balotelli, Harry Kane and TheDailyShow. I thought ooo something fun must have happened on The Daily Show, hopefully they have made fun of the recent Koch brothers fundraiser.

But to my shock I found that Jon Stewart is to step down. Stewart is possibly the biggest reason I got interested in Politics, which is now why I am doing a political degree. Jon Stewart is a satirist, one of the greatest. Many have said that he is the voice of the young and intelligent holding the big boys of Washington to account through humour. 

There is no denying that Stewart is a left of centre in the American sense, he is a rational voice in a world dominated by fox news and Sarah Palin. He and his writing staff have used humour to show the stupidity of the American Political system. He has used his position to hold all types of politicians to account. Also people who hold political power, with him systematically making Glenn Beck look like a deranged jackass!

 

I remember staying up late years ago flicking through the TV channels and I happened to stop on More4, channel 4s higher quality channel. I saw the daily show, I had heard about it in the past from trips to the States but I had never really watched it. It had only just started, so I watched it. His energy for his work is the first thing that catches your eye. The pointless piece of paper and pen his desk. Then as you start to watch you see and hear that behind his sharp humour is a smart well read and reasoned man. 

Using humour in questioning politics is a very clever and efficient way of making politicians look stupid. Because most politicians don't know they are being laughed at. If they are in a room where loads of people are laughing they will laugh along because they want to be seen as they know what is going on. They can't be funny unless their script writer tells them. 

And if people are shown to be stupid on his show they always say he is a comedian, and try and laugh it off. But it only does one things re-inflate their ego.

I wish I could write an amazing piece on how much Jon Stewart inspired me but my way with words is nothing in comparison to his. I hope that him leaving is him making a run for politics but I doubt it, he isn't an idiot. Than you Jon

 

Make it rain

News today is that the new Domestic TV deal for the Premier League is £5.1 Billion. That means that each game on tv from 2016 will cost sky £11 Million and for BT sports £7 Million. That figure is per game, now the league states that every team should appear on TV at least twice in a season. That means a game between Hull and Swansea will cost Sky £11 Million. 

Is it really insane to think how much money is spent on the Premier League. That figure is only the Domestic figure, they suspect if you add the international rights it will top £8 Billion. That is higher than any other football league, but still not as high as the NFL which just signed a TV deal worth $27 Billion. 

When Cardiff got relegated last year they got more money in parachute payments than Manchester United got from winning the league the previous year. I don't know is this is fact, I heard it on the radio but Swansea who are the 29th richest football team in the world will become the 15th richest club just from this deal, making Stoke City the 16th richest, which is nice.

But does this influx on money ruin football? If you are not a loyal fan of a club. Would you really want to spend close to £50, plus over priced pies and beers and freeze your tits off, or would your rather sit in a nice warm sitting room and watch what could be a total of 7 games over a weekend for £20 on NowTV? 

Would this influx of money cause clubs to lower their ticket prices, even though I'm not an ARSEnal fan I hope they lower their prices for fans, its criminal what they get away with!. Saying that A Denver Broncos ticket cost me $130 for one game and seeing how much money they get for TV its insane to think that people are willing to buy tickets. They also get to watch every game on telly if you live with in a particular boundaries.

Stoke do, do their part for the fans as they have given free away travel for fans for the past two seasons, and have kept the season ticket prices the same for 7 years! I'm not to clued up on other clubs but I doubt that many clubs will do that. Manchester United have been known to blackmail fans in to buying tickets.

I have never really gone with the idea of fans are the most important thing in football. Maybe they were but now football clubs are business, where one goal could cost millions. Why should they care if fans cant really afford tickets, because someone will buy them. But those clubs don't have souls, a true club will make sure everything is sorted out perfectly.