ITS SPITTING

So today I took my American friend on a tour of London. He had never really been to London before so he was excited, and I like giving tours of London because there is just so many things to see, plus it makes me feel important.

So going to London can be stressful at the best of times if you are doing touristy shit, but I checked the weather report last night and it was for rain, I thought brilliant there will less people there, which was true it was quieter than a Saturday, and we both had waterproofs on so happy days.

Although it was grey it wasn't raining so happy days, when we got round to Buckingham Palace is started spitting. This is when the worst thing in London happens after a tube strike, Umbrellas came out! 

These flimsy pieces of shit are the most annoying and dam right unsafe things that litter London's pavements. Being 6ft I am at perfect height for the pointy ends to go straight in my eye, so I have to avoid them like trying to avoid an overconfident waiter take out 20 plates at once.

Many times I had to step into traffic or duck out of the way looking like a dick, or move walk into things because these things block all view on a pavement. People with Umbrellas are also just crap a walking with them, they are often short women who pull them so close to their face they cant see where they are going, who walk slower than a glacier and because they are often in a gaggle you can't pass them, so when they stop to take a selfie with a phonebox you ram right into them. 

Words really cant describe how much I hate umbrellas in busy cities, which is kinda against the point when writing a blog. But they should be banned. Next time I go London I'm gonna wear a cricket helmet and just walk around bashing people flimsy pocket umbrellas out of their hands. If you use a golf umbrella there is a special place in hell for you! Get a rain coat!